Everyone has heard the expression, “Sometimes, life has a way of throwing you a curve-ball” – and it applies to most of us at one time or another. How you react to that curve-ball is what can make the difference in the game of life. Do you stand and watch it pass you by, or do you take a swing? If you let it go, without even trying to get a hit, you run a much higher risk of striking out. If you take a swing, you may miss and earn a “strike”, but you also have the chance of actually hitting the ball. Will you get a base hit, or possibly a home run? You won’t know until you take that swing. When Matt was offered the job in Brazil, it was a major curve-ball thrown our way. Of course, we swung the bat, and the outcome is yet to be determined – one thing for sure, we are still rounding the bases.
It is hard to believe that we have now been living in Sao Paulo for eight months – time flies!
As I wrote before, ”Phase One” of our time here was spent getting to know our city, learning the language, meeting new people, and adjusting to life as ex-pats. When we went back to the States for our visit in July, we had not realized how good it would feel to be “back home”. Everything seemed so much easier than it is in Brazil; it almost felt as though we had never left. I had to keep reminding myself that our time there was only temporary, and that we would have to return to our lives in Brazil. After our difficult journey back to Sao Paulo, we initially felt happy to finally be here; that feeling quickly wore off, as the reality of being back in a foreign land and a massive city began to sink-in once again. The traffic was daunting, the start of school was frustrating, the disparity between rich and poor was difficult to swallow, and we were all grumpy and glum for a while.
However, I was determined to get “Phase Two” headed in the right direction. Matt, of course, fell right back into his routine of working long and stressful days. It took a few weeks for us to get into the groove of homework (especially for Alex – we seemed to have daily battles), and I tried to get back into a regular schedule of exercise, Portuguese lessons, and a bit of socializing. I had already set a goal for myself, to get the boys involved in more activities, and to find some volunteer opportunities to help me stay busy. Ian and Alex quickly became busy, involved in after-school sports on Tuesdays and Thursdays, as well as an art class on Wednesday afternoons. We also joined the American Society and signed them up for Little League soccer on weekends. So, I was able to check-off the first item of order – the boys had plenty to do! What has been surprising to me is that they are both enjoying the art class more than the sports – they really struggle to compete with the Brazilian kids, whose skills surpass their own – they seem to be more frustrated than happy. But, we feel it is important that they continue to try to improve and learn to be a bit more aggressive – and, also, to not quit just because it is a little harder than they had anticipated. It’s a tough lesson to teach and learn, but a necessary one – and, I hope that one day it will help them deal with other challenges they will face in life.
With the kids’ routines and schedules settled, it was my turn to find my place in this city. I began reaching out to various organizations to offer my time as a volunteer. Imagine my frustration when my offers to help (more like begging them to let me help) went unanswered. Unfortunately, the organizations which need the most help, aren’t organized or structured enough to have people to respond to emails and phone calls. I finally reached out to a very well-known, private (and very expensive) hospital to offer my services – of course, since they have abundant resources, they actually replied. At about the same time, I received a response from an orphanage, with which I am now involved in various functions. The hospital situation has proved to be more challenging and frustrating, as they expect their volunteers to be more like employees. I have attended three informational sessions and interviews, only to find out that volunteers, like employees, are only allotted a certain number of vacation days per year; given that I travel to the U.S. twice a year, I would go over my “allowed” days off and could be “fired” from my volunteer position! It’s crazy! So, I am back to square one with trying to find a spot in some type of health-care setting, which is where I feel the need to help. In the meantime, I’ll do what I can for the kids in the orphanage – hopefully, without becoming too attached.
Going back to the subject of traffic, and the glaring contradiction between rich and poor…about 3 weeks after returning to Sao Paulo, Alex was invited to a birthday party. Matt and I had been feeling frustrated about the way some of the children from wealthy Brazilian families who live in our complex were treating the boys. We would often comment on how poorly they are being raised, by babas (nannies) who have no authority to correct or discipline them – they show little respect for anyone or anything. These kids are given whatever they want, giving them a sense of entitlement, while their parents leave the caregiving to under-paid “help”. Many of the service workers in Brazil barely get by on their menial salaries, living in favelas, and existing on little more than beans and rice. It is difficult to describe the poverty and wealth that exists here – the rich in Brazil are ultra-rich, and the poor are ultra-poor.
The week of the birthday party, I had a couple of friends whose daughters had been invited to the wedding of two rabbits; yes, you read correctly – two live rabbits. Amazed, and a bit disgusted by such superfluousness, I asked for details about the celebration. If I hadn’t seen the pictures to prove it, I would not have believed it. The “wedding” was held in a very large home near our condominium, complete with an officiant, caterers, flowers and candelabras, as well as a wedding cake – not to mention carrots for all of the children in attendance – unbelievable! There were servers with food and drinks for parents, too. This kind of display of wealth is one of the things that had me shaking my head and wondering about the lessons children learn in these situations – in my world, this is just not normal!
As for the birthday party, it was for a boy in Alex’s class who was turning 8 years old, and was being held just a few miles from Matt’s office at a facility dedicated to kids’ parties. Given that it was a Friday evening, we arranged for a friend to take Alex and her son, and Matt would pick them up after the party. It took Matt two hours to drive the 5KM (3 miles) to pick them up – TWO HOURS! When he finally made it home (three hours after leaving his office), he told me about what he had seen in the few minutes it took to collect the boys. To begin with, there were about six parking attendants waiting outside; inside, he found a lounge complete with food and a full bar for the adults. The rest of the facility was dedicated to children’s entertainment – a virtual indoor amusement park and playground, including a soccer court and video game room (not to mention several adult monitors who took care of the kids). Matt’s estimate was that it probably cost the family about $8000 – for an 8-year old child’s birthday party! Meanwhile, a service worker (working 40-50 hours a week) here brings home little more than that in an entire year.
About a month after our return to Sao Paulo, and after several business trips for Matt, I begged him to take a day off and get me out of the city for a long weekend. As I said to him, though I knew his trips out of town were for work and not pleasure, he was still getting away from the city, while I felt I was “stuck” here, day in and day out. The boys had a long weekend coming up in September, and I wanted to get away, if only for a few days. Matt explained to his boss that he would be needing a day off, because he had to “get his wife out of Sao Paulo” – his boss kindly agreed, saying he completely understood – thank you, Rodolfo! I had originally wanted to go to Rio de Janeiro to finally get to see the beauty of the city that everyone insists is worth the visit; unfortunately, it wasn’t in the cards – that weekend was the start of “Rock-in-Rio”, a huge concert that draws millions of people over the two-week festivities. So, we decided to visit the historic city of Paraty, instead - I’ll write more about that trip in a later entry – I will just say that it felt great to be in such a beautiful place and get away.
The one highlight of “Phase Two” for us was a much-anticipated visit from Matt’s parents. John and Deanna had been planning their trip to Brazil for many months, including a family vacation to Machu-Picchu, Peru. The boys were counting down the days, as were Matt and I – and the big day finally arrived. John and Deanna landed on a beautiful, sunny, hot morning on October 1st. We were so excited and happy to have them here, and to show them our home and city – we were also glad to receive some things from the U.S. – new video games for the boys, DVDs we had ordered, and a few little comfort items (Bisquick and various decaf teas, which are very hard to find here). We had a full agenda planned for the week leading up to our trip to Peru. After a traditional Brazilian breakfast, they unpacked, changed clothes, and relaxed for a bit, taking in the views from our apartment. Once they got their second wind, we took them to the town of Embu. We enjoyed showing them all of the unique shops, had a simple, but tasty lunch – John enjoyed his first caipirinha – and walked around for a couple of hours. Exhausted from their trip, they turned in early that evening, but were up early on Sunday for some more exploring. We decided to take them to Jardins, so they could see a more upscale part of town, and experience a typical feira (traveling market) – here, they loved the colorful fruit and vegetable stands and had a chance to taste a traditional “pastel” and sugarcane juice. That afternoon was soggy and grey, and the boys had a little league soccer game - John, Deanna, and I stayed dry on the covered bleachers, while Matt and the boys had fun playing in the rain. That evening, we took them to dinner at a churrascaria (Brazilian barbecue), where we all had our fill of delicious grilled meats (and John enjoyed a couple more caipirinhas). Their first two days in Brazil had been full of activity, and we were all enjoying our time together.
Unfortunately, Monday morning brought the sad news that Deanna’s mother had died. Isabelle, Matt’s grandmother, had been sick with Alzheimer’s for over 20 years, and had had many close-calls during the last five years. Her mind had been gone a long time, but her body never seemed to want to give up on its hold on life. It’s hard to accept the reality of what little control we have over anything, especially when it comes to the timing of death. Isabelle had taken a turn for the worse just before their departure, and though Deanna had already told her mother goodbye, she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she didn’t return to be with her family and pay her final respects. Though we all knew it was the right thing for them to return to the States, we couldn’t help but feel very sad and disappointed that their trip had been cut so short. The boys were devastated, and Matt was quite depressed about the way things ended so quickly. Having found a flight that same day, John and Deanna left Monday evening - with heavy hearts, we bid them farewell, and they promised to return for a longer visit in the future. It seemed as though their visit hadn’t even been real – Matt actually awoke the next day wondering if it had all been a dream.
These are the things that make living so far away from family and friends more difficult. Right now, Matt’s family is gathered together to celebrate Isabelle’s life, and we are sorry that we can’t be with them. On a more positive note, there is a new life to be celebrated – my brother and his beautiful wife had a healthy baby girl last week. My new niece, Amelia Rose Saleme, came into the world on September 28, 2011 at 19 inches, 6 pounds, and with a head-full of hair. I’ve been looking at her pictures that have been posted on Facebook, feeling my arms ache to hold her – she is such a beautiful, precious baby, and I can’t wait to meet her over Christmas. Right now, we are focused on our upcoming trip to Machu Picchu this weekend – though it won’t be as we had planned, with John and Deanna, we are excited about another great adventure – an adventure we probably would not have had the chance to experience if we hadn’t taken that swing when the curve-ball came our way.
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