Phases

When the boys were younger and it seemed as though the feedings, diaper changes, teething, and tantrums would never end, I tried to remember the motto by which I have come to live:  this, too, shall pass.  I tried to keep in mind that along with the not-so-fun parts of having babies and toddlers, the good things would also be gone in a flash.  The same rings true with our experience as expats.  Before coming to Brazil, while still in the planning stages of our move, I began looking at our time here in phases.  Just as a school year is divided into terms or semesters, I felt it would be easier to cope with being away from our home by mentally dividing our 2 ½ years into 6-month blocks, with visits to the U.S. in between.  And, just as our friends in the U.S. are celebrating the end of the school year and the start of summer, we are celebrating the end of “Phase One” of our time in Brazil – the boys are finishing their year as second- and fourth-graders, and we are looking forward to our first visit “home” since our move.  I am surprised, however, at how fast these first months have passed; it serves as a lesson that our time here is very short – before we know it, we’ll be planning our move back to the States.     

With the arrival of June, winter here, also comes the scattering of families back to their respective homes.  The common farewell that is heard during these days is, “Until August!”  Already, we are saying goodbye to new friends who will be returning to live in the States or other countries.  Our good friends, the Deeps, will leave all-too-soon, as their time in Brazil was cut short by about 2 years; it has been so great to have them just a short elevator ride away – we will miss them.  As for us, we are excited to go on a five-day adventure to the Amazon next week, and then will head home to family and friends.  We are counting the days until we arrive in WV, and look forward to our time in SC for my brother’s wedding; we also plan to spend several days at our camp on the Greenbrier River, as well as a week in Pittsburgh, before heading back to WV for six days.  Then it will be time to say goodbye again, as we will return to Sao Paulo with only one week to recover from our travels before the boys start school again.   

   

The arrival of winter has also brought with it the dry season in Sao Paulo.  A friend recently told me we would come to appreciate the rains that wash away the pollution and grime in the city.  She was not kidding!  The daily build-up of pollution is very palpable – you can see it in the dust that collects on every surface, as well as in the haze that hangs over the skyline – sometimes so thick that the buildings aren’t even visible; you can smell it in the air; you can feel it in your lungs and throat.  After a few days of this, you find yourself wishing for rain.  The other evening we had a big storm move over the city; for several evenings we hadn’t been able to see a bit of light from the night skyline that is normally our view.  After the rain, our skyline was back – the city sparkled anew.  The other change that we are facing is the arrival of colder weather.  Of course, coming from Pittsburgh, “cold” is relative.  Here, winter temperatures are quite pleasant – highs in the sixties and lows in the fifties – but you would think it was freezing by looking at the Brazilians, wearing hats, gloves, and heavy coats.  They probably think I’m a horrible mother, as the boys continue to run around in shorts and t-shirts – though I do make them take a jacket when they go out.  

As the end of “Phase One” quickly approaches, I find myself taking note of some things I am learning to appreciate.  Yesterday, Ian’s class performed “Alice in Wonderland” and hosted an after-party.  Of course, I had my camera on hand to capture my “Frog Footman”, both on stage and off.  This morning, as I downloaded the pictures onto the computer, my son’s green face smiled back at me, exuding joy and happiness, surrounded by his friends.  As heartbroken as he was to leave his friends, school, and home in the States, he has found a new happiness in his new world.  Something else that amuses me is the fact that I have learned enough about this crazy city that I am now helping other newly-arrived families adapt to their surroundings.  Just a few short months ago, I was on the receiving end of the kindness of others who were willing to lend a hand, or anything else we may have needed.  I was told at the time, as I expressed my appreciation, that my day would come to be on the other side, helping someone in my shoes.  I remember feeling like that day would be forever-away; I never imagined that after only four months of being here I would be ready to give someone advice about where to shop for certain items, or how to get a maid registered.  It’s funny how time has a way of surprising us.   

My goal for the next phase of our time here in Brazil is to find a purpose for myself.  During “Phase One”, I kept myself busy with volunteering at the school, Portuguese class, and various activities with friends and visitors.  Now that I am more settled and at ease with the city streets and the language, I am ready to tackle more challenging activities.  I would like to be able to volunteer in an orphanage or a hospital – it would be great if I could somehow put my nursing skills to good use.  I would also like to see the boys get more involved in their school community, perhaps participating in after-school activities, or some organized sports.  Matt will surely continue to be busy with his work, but I’m hoping that he will feel more settled in his new role and not feel as stressed as he has been.  Whatever the next phase brings, I know it will pass quickly, the good with the bad, and take us one step closer to the end of our time here – in the meantime, I plan to enjoy the good stuff and grin and bear the rest!                   

The Chacara

I am in heaven.  Listening to the leaves rustling with a gentle breeze, the chirping of cheerful birds, and the barking of various dogs, overlooking a mountain view, under a blue and sunny sky – I can’t imagine a more serene setting.  I mentioned in my previous entry that I had a story to share about our experience on Mother’s Day, a day spent in this very place where I sit in a lounge chair, completely relaxed.  To my left, I have an orange tree and a tree with a fruit I’ve never seen – the fruit, which resembles a cherry, actually grows from the bark on the trunk of the tree, rather than on the branches.  To my right, I see a tree completely bare of leaves, but covered in pink pom-pom-like blossoms and a tall, unusual-looking pine that leans precariously to one side, as though it will topple over any minute.  Behind me is a swimming pool, the cold crystalline water shimmering in the sunlight.  All around there are reminders of nature that we miss while living in the busy and polluted city of Sao Paulo.  

Last month, when we finally had the chance to meet our landlord, we were given an unexpected gift.  After seeing that his apartment was being well cared-for, the owner happily reported to his wife that their home was in good hands.  He also casually mentioned that they own a house in the country, just an hour outside of Sao Paulo that they never get the chance to use, given that he and his family live in the U.S., just outside of Washington, D.C. – he also extended an invitation for us to use it any time we’d like.  I thought he was being kind, and didn’t really expect too much out of the offer.  To my surprise and delight, his wife called a few days later, explaining that they would be in Sao Paulo the following week and invited us to join them for a churrasco, a Brazilian barbecue, in the country for Mother’s Day.  I happily accepted the invitation, excited to get a chance to meet her and to have a day away from the city.  

After meeting us at the gates of our condominium complex, our landlord and his family led the way to their “chacara”, the Portuguese word for a small country estate.  They were being humble when they called it a house, as it was much more than that.  The gated property holds a main house, beautifully rustic, as well as a home for the groundskeepers, a pool house, a large outdoor kitchen and dining area, two other smaller buildings, a soccer field, vegetable garden, and beautifully landscaped gardens, with several fruit trees.  The boys had a great time, running in the green grass (in limited supply in Sao Paulo), swimming, playing with the other kids (family members of the landlords’), and eating tangerines they picked until I thought they would turn orange.  The owners are Brazilian of Japanese descent, and we were the only non-family members among the 20-or-so guests.  We were honored to have been included in their celebration, and shared in a wonderful meal – they really treated us like honored guests. 

When we were introduced to our landlady’s brother, they mentioned that he was a well-known chef who owns two restaurants in Sao Paulo.  Later, back at the apartment, I decided to “google” the chef and was surprised to find that he was one of the most famous sushi chefs in Brazil, having been described as a “sushi virtuoso” and reviewed in various magazines, including “Food and Wine”, “Travel and Leisure”, and Brazil’s most popular magazine, “Veja”; he has also been on a TV show called “Super Chefs”.  We found it very amusing that we had been served a meal cooked by such a famous chef, one whose restaurant is very exclusive and expensive, and we had no idea who he was!  We also met our landlady’s mother, a delightful little lady (and I mean little – she is about as big as Ian) who happens to live right around the corner from our condo.  As a matter of fact, Matt and I had seen her just a week earlier on one of our weekend morning walks – of course, we had no idea at the time who she was.  She made me promise to visit her, which I fully intend to do.  At the end of the afternoon we reluctantly loaded into the car (with a few bags of fresh vegetables from the garden, and more tangerines from the fruit trees – and with an invitation to “come back always”) and headed back to the city.  

So, here we are again.  My aunt, Tia Chiquita, has been with us for a couple of weeks.  I have thoroughly enjoyed having her here, and the days have passed quickly.  We have stayed very busy, talking non-stop, visiting the many interesting places Sao Paulo has to offer.  Last weekend we took her to the beach at Riviera de Sao Lourenco, and to Embu.  After another exhausting week of running around, we decided it would be nice to relax for a couple of days.  I called our landlord and asked if we could take him up on his offer to return to the “chacara” and spend the weekend.  He was so happy that we wanted to use his home - he quickly called the groundkeeper to arrange for our visit, and acted as though we were the ones doing him a favor!  The groundskeepers (who live on the property) have made sure that we feel at home and have whatever we need.  Now, Matt has taken the boys fishing at a nearby lake, Chiquita is lying in one of the lounge chairs (though the fall air is a bit crisp and cool, the sun feels wonderful) and I am taking in the bougainvillea that greets guests at the door, thinking how fortunate we are to have a place like this at our disposal.  In a few hours we will, once again reluctantly, load the car to return to the real world – in the meantime, I will breathe in the fresh air, gaze at the clear blue sky, and marvel at the beauty of the world around me.                     

          

Living...

It is a cool and rainy morning in Sao Paulo; the haze is so thick I can’t even see the city skyline.  I’m sitting on the balcony surrounded by my new beautiful plants – amazed at how a little bit of green can breathe life into a once empty space.  Something as simple as having trees planted into pots that contained dead plants (upon our arrival), then stood empty like a toothless grin, has brought me so much joy over the last two weeks.  When Matt asked what I wanted for Mother’s Day, it came as no surprise that my answer was the same as it is every year in the States – plants.  The only difference is that in the northern hemisphere, spring is in the air and life is just beginning.  Here, by contrast, fall has arrived, bringing with it crisp and sunny days, and many more clear blue skies than we have experienced thus far.  Fortunately, the growing season in Brazil is year-round, so any time is a perfect time to plant a garden, even if it sits almost 300 feet in the air.

I’ve written about time and normalcy in my past couple of entries, so today I figured I’d fill in some of the gaps and write a bit about what we’ve been doing the past several weeks.  I often joke that my days fill up and fly by while I do nothing.  I guess that really isn’t true – it seems as though I am always doing “something” – trying to cram my to-do list into the few hours between the time I drop the boys off at school and then pick them up again, not too different from when we lived in Cranberry.  The day to day stuff is pretty boring - grocery shopping, cleaning (yes, even though I have help two days a week, I still clean and do laundry), and working out.  But, we have had some pretty interesting experiences in the weeks since my sister was here.

The weekend after Jen left, we packed the car and headed back to Pocos de Caldas.  I had been invited to my first Brazilian baby shower, which in this case took form as a “Cha de Fraldas”, literally translated it means, “Tea of Diapers”.  One thing I learned is that here, expectant mothers host their own showers, as well as people celebrating a birthday host their own party, or provide their own cake at work.  As for the shower, instead of having a gift registry, the mother gives a suggestion of what you can take as a gift.  The gift requested from me was a pack of medium-sized diapers, and she kindly suggested her preferred brand (this was very helpful, as I haven’t had to buy diapers in a long time, much less in Brazil).  The only thing I wasn’t sure about was how many diapers would be considered an appropriate gift.  I asked several friends (all of them expats – none of whom had been to a baby shower here), and though they didn’t really know, their suggestions were all the same – just spend what you would normally spend on a shower in the U.S.  I agreed with their ideas and found what I thought was a great deal on Pampers – a jumbo box of 100 diapers for $R 55 (the equivalent of about US $35) – shopping for a baby shower gift had never been so easy!  A few days later, when Tania (my helper) saw the box of diapers, she looked at me curiously – I think she was wondering if there was something I had forgotten to tell her.  I explained that I had a shower to attend and asked if she thought the gift was appropriate.  She laughed and exclaimed, “You bought enough diapers for the whole village!”  She went on to say that here, most guests take one small package of diapers.  I told her that since I didn’t know, I figured it was better to err on the side of taking more than coming up short and taking too little.  “Oh, don’t worry,” she replied, “you’ll make quite an impression!”   

  

As I would with a gift for a shower in the U.S., I wrapped it in brightly colored paper, made a bow, and attached a little card.  After a three hour drive to Pocos, and a late lunch, I arrived “late” to the shower, which was supposed to start at 3:00PM – I got there at about 3:45 and was still one of the first to arrive.  Apparently, in Brazil, start times don’t really mean much more than just that – a “starting” time – guests can arrive any time after the stated hour – most of the other ladies began trickling in at about 4pm.  I had to chuckle as I watched each of them enter, greeting the expectant mother with a kiss and handing her a plastic grocery store bag with one small pack of diapers inside.  Yes, I believe Tania was right, I might have overdone it just a bit!  I couldn’t help but laugh, a couple of weeks later, when looking at the pictures of the shower and seeing my giant box of diapers surrounded by the other packs less than half the size of my gift.  The rest of the shower was nice – very much like ones back home, with little games everyone plays out of obligation.  For me, the best part was being included and treated like a life-long friend or family member, as well as the fact that everyone there spoke Portuguese the whole time, and I was able to participate without missing a beat.   

The next morning, we took advantage of the sunny day and the more serene city of Pocos - we visited an artisans’ fair and walked through the beautiful park that is nestled in the center of the downtown.  By mid-morning, we reluctantly left this city that is becoming to feel like a second home – we had lunch plans with new friends we had yet to meet.  In the weeks before moving to Brazil, just after Christmas, we learned of another family from Cranberry who was also relocating here at the same time.  It seemed like we were destined to meet, and the circumstances of our learning about one another were pretty ironic.  I had scheduled all of our final appointments (vet, pediatrician, dentist, orthodontist) during the week between Christmas and New Year’s and was frantically trying to get them all in, in the midst of taking down Christmas decorations, packing, and organizing everything for the move.  At the orthodontist appointment, Ian was telling the technician about our upcoming move to Brazil, and she mentioned that a patient she had the day before was also moving there.  The technician told me his name (a total violation of privacy laws), and I told Ian that maybe he’d be lucky and one day meet a boy from Pittsburgh in our new country.  The next day, at the vet’s office for Simon’s physical, the doctor (one we had never seen before) mentioned that he had just done a travel physical for a dog whose family was taking him to Brazil.  What?!  Two days in a row I’m hearing of another family moving to the same country we are, just 2 weeks before we were scheduled to leave?  I gave him the last name of the boy from the orthodontist office, and he confirmed it was the same family.  

After doing a quick Google search, I called the first of two numbers that came up with their name and our town.  The same teenage boy from the orthodontist office answered and I explained the events of the past two days.  I managed to convince him that I was neither crazy, nor a stalker, and left my name and number for his mother to call me back.  Fortunately, later that afternoon she returned my call and we talked for an hour comparing notes and marveling at what a small world it is.  With both of our crazy schedules, we never got the chance to meet while living ten minutes away from one another, but we communicated via e-mail, and once in Brazil continued to compare our experiences as new expats in this country.  Their family lives only one hour from Sao Paulo, in a city called Campinas – which just happens to be along the way to Pocos.  So, having known we would be in the area, we made plans to finally meet.  They live in a closed neighborhood, in a beautiful house – it reminded us of being in a regular suburb in the U.S. – no walls or fences with razor wire or electric lines running across the tops to deter break-ins.  The kids had a great time exploring their house and playing with their older children, while Matt and I enjoyed talking to other people from “home” – it was so nice to be able to talk about familiar places in Cranberry and have someone know exactly what you meant.  We look forward to other get-togethers with our new-found friends and former “neighbors” – it only took a move to Brazil for us to meet!

The next couple of weeks passed quickly, with preparations to receive our sea shipment and the subsequent unpacking and organizing of our things.  As I wrote earlier, it’s amazing how much it helps to feel at-home when surrounding by your own belongings.  Because we are in a furnished apartment, that also meant taking some of our landlord’s things out to make room for ours (not only is the apartment full of furniture, but the closets were also full of electronics, carpet remnants, and other miscellaneous items).  We sent repeated requests for them to remove some of the extra stuff (that took up our entire storage room, leaving no space for Christmas decorations, tools, and the kids’ outdoor toys), but they seemed to fall on deaf ears, as we continued to receive no response.  It was frustrating to feel ignored, but we were persistent until we finally got a response and they agreed to come and take their belongings – which will lead to my Mother’s Day story in a later entry.  

We also experienced our first real holiday, Easter, in Brazil a few weeks ago.  This actually was a bit of a hard day for us, being so far from home.  Even though we’ve lived in different cities from our families for several years, Easter was a time when we would be with relatives – the boys’ spring break always fell over Easter weekend, and we made it a habit to travel during this time (always with family).  This Easter was quiet for us – we haven’t even begun the search for a church, and it seems as though all of our friends here also were feeling sad and lonely and kept to themselves.  The boys were expecting a visit from the Easter Bunny (yes, they still believe in the tooth fairy and all of the other magical characters), and apparently he exists in Brazil, too.  However, instead of Easter baskets (as they didn’t get packed in the move and are not the tradition here) our Brazilian Easter Bunny brought bags full of chocolate eggs.  As for the traditional Easter dinner, with ham and all of the fixings, they are also in short supply - there wasn’t an Easter ham to be found anywhere!  Matt and I decided it would be best to get out of the apartment for a family lunch at a churrascaria.  After stuffing ourselves, we spent the rest of the rainy afternoon being lazy – the highlight of my afternoon was finally purchasing the plane tickets for our flight home this June – and ended our day with a family game night.  Though it was quiet and different, we survived our first holiday in our new country, the most important thing being that the four of us were together – that alone is a blessing for which I am grateful every day.

Normalcy

Sometimes it is hard to define what is really “normal”.  After a baby is born, couples adapt to a new kind of normal.  The same thing happens when you move somewhere new – especially a new country with a different language, new food, and customs.  When we moved to Brazil, the first few weeks were quite overwhelming, and it seemed like things just wouldn’t ever feel normal.  The days that I felt homesick, I realized, were moments when I longed for “normalcy” in my life.  However, over the past couple of weeks, I have felt the tides shift, and suddenly, we have hit a groove and things finally feel familiar, and, yes, normal.  Take this evening, for instance – Matt is out of town for work (something we have been used to for years), so I decided to take the boys out to see a movie.  That doesn’t sound like such a big deal, I know, but it was quite a remarkable evening.  After being here for only three months, I felt comfortable enough to go out by myself with them at night.  I drove to the mall, bought our tickets, let them eat McDonald’s for dinner, and then we watched a movie in English (with Portuguese subtitles, of course).  I actually forgot we were in Brazil for a while.  I also managed to get us home safely and with no wrong turns – it was great!!!     

I think a big part of us feeling more settled has to do with the fact that we finally have our things from home.  It is hard for me to believe that it has already been a month since my sister was here.  The week she left was a bit tough for me – I felt a little bit sad and homesick for a few days.  We also received news that same week that our sea shipment was going to be delayed due to a weight discrepancy of 30 percent.  Yes, that’s right, once our container arrived in the port it weighed 30% more than what the label on it stated.  The label had been placed in the U.S. – obviously a mistake had been made; as it turns out it was another container’s weight.  Of course, that sent up a huge red flag to the folks at Customs, and in addition to creating more paperwork and red tape, they proceeded to open every single box in our container.  After being told that our delivery would be delayed almost another month, we were furious; we made phone calls, sent emails and griped, moaned, and complained to everyone involved in our move.  As the old saying goes, the squeaky wheel gets the oil – we became thorns in their sides, demanding them to move things along faster – and it worked!  Just 2 weeks after we heard of the mistake and delay, we finally received our belongings. 

 

Even though we have a furnished apartment, and we only brought a small amount of things from home, it is amazing how much more “at home” we feel having these items here.  The kids were so thrilled to get home from school and find their toy box with an arsenal of Nerf guns, and they couldn’t wait to climb onto the new bunk bed we bought before coming to Brazil.  Ian was also relieved and happy to find his beloved “Mr. Grey”, a stuffed dog he has had since he was born, perched on the side of the bunk bed awaiting his arrival.  Mr. Grey had accidentally gotten packed, and we weren’t sure if we would see him again – you can imagine my joy when I opened up a drawer and found him nestled inside, among several pairs of Ian’s jeans that were supposed to go to the hotel with us, but the movers had packed the whole chest before emptying the last drawer.  I was most excited to have the kids’ pictures and all of my kitchen stuff – I never thought I would be so happy to see my dishes, pots, and pans.  I think Matt was just happy that we finally received everything so he wouldn’t have to hear me complain about that anymore!

Another special treat for us was to receive our outdoor furniture for the balcony.  On the first Saturday after our things arrived, Matt and I sat on the balcony, enjoying a cup of coffee and watching the sky change colors over the cityscape that is our view.  Alex and Ian both woke up early, as always, and joined us.  I found it adorable when Alex wrapped up in a blanket, climbed up into the rocking chair next to me and asked, “Is this going to be our new hangout?”  I think he was onto something – it is probably my new favorite place in the apartment – especially since I finally bought new plants and have my “garden” in place.  Later that day, we went back to the town of Embu and found a great little bistro table to go with some barstools we have – that evening we ate dinner (prepared by Ian) outside in our new “hangout”, looking at the lights and listening to the sounds of Sao Paulo.  Those are the moments in which I feel that I can really embrace this new country and city, and feel normal in my new home, sweet home.       

(If you'd like to take a peek at our new "home" click the link below to see pictures)

https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/sredir?uname=116320405884338150832&target=ALBUM&id=5603768412671295553&authkey=Gv1sRgCJfx8qj1iJP3Gg&feat=email

Time

Time…
Time…Where does it go?!  It is hard for me to believe that we are quickly approaching the 3-month mark of living in Brazil.  Before moving here, I really believed I would be so lonely and bored, stuck inside the apartment everyday waiting for the hours to pass.  I bought several new books and photo albums, and ordered over 1000 pictures that had been hanging out in cyber-space for at least two years, thinking that I would have all the time in the world to finally sit down and start organizing them.  I couldn’t have been more wrong!  When I mention to my family and friends that I am so behind on writing my blog, their responses are all the same, “That’s a good thing; it means you are actually out living and experiencing it!”  I guess they are right; it would be a problem if all I did was stay inside at the computer, typing away, while my time in Brazil passed me by.  Though I still have moments where I feel homesick, I am feeling a lot more comfortable here.  However, unlike some of the expats we have met who are here indefinitely, and are OK with that, I like knowing that in a couple of years we will be “going home”.

There are two sides to that sentiment, however.  One afternoon, shortly after my sister’s visit, I was invited to the home of a new friend.  Sandy is a very interesting person with quite a background and has recently moved to Brazil as an expat.  Born in Canada to a Brazilian mother and Italian father, she grew up there until she was ten years old.  She spent the next 14 or so years in Sao Paulo, having to learn Portuguese when she arrived here and went to a school where that was the only language spoken.  She is married to a Dutch man, and they have lived all over the world during the past 14 years, including Hong Kong, China, and Dubai (I think all 3 of her children were born in different countries).  I loved seeing her house, full of unique and beautiful pieces of furniture she has accumulated during her years abroad, and we love exchanging stories about our varied backgrounds – hers much more exciting than mine.  At her home that afternoon, I also chatted with two other ladies – one is the mother of a friend of Alex’s and the other, a neighbor of Sandy’s.  The other mom is British, but lived in Italy before coming to Brazil; her family will be returning to Milan, Italy in June – when they lived there the first time, they bought and restored a house in Tuscany (sounds like something out of a movie), which they still own and use as a vacation home.  Sandy’s neighbor is from Mexico, married to a Swiss man, and has also lived in many countries, including Switzerland, England, and Italy.

I guess my point in describing these women is that I felt like such a “newbie” among these seasoned expats.  There are so many people we have met here who have lived in so many different places in the world.  They have experienced so much, and exposed their kids to different cultures and languages.  I started thinking, maybe we should consider another overseas assignment after this - there is such a great big world out there to see.  Then again, I can’t imagine going anywhere but “home”, which is now Pittsburgh, after our time here.  Yes, these families have seen many parts of the world we may never get to visit, but where do they call “home”?  Do their kids know what it is like to be near family and to establish roots somewhere?  As the British mom stated when I mentioned my thoughts to her, “The grass is always greener…”  So, for now, I am choosing to enjoy my time and really experience life in Brazil, and to make it the best experience for my kids.  Who knows what will happen in two years?  We really never even know what will happen tomorrow.  So, with that said, I’m off to “live” and sit in traffic for an hour to go a mere 10 kilometers – it’s all in the experience!  Tchau!